A Bike Wreck and a Broken Washing Machine

I try to remember to find "Joy in the Journey" and sometimes it is easier than other times. Lately I have been thinking a lot about ways I feel the Lord's love, because that is often how I experience joy. I have been struggling with postpartum depression/post traumatic stress and some days seem pretty dark, but when I ask the Lord to show me his hand in my life, he does. And I must be slow on the uptake, because it seems that I am continually surprised (happily) with how many ways he shows me.

The Washing Machine Story
I love having a washing machine in my house, right there for my convenience. I was driving by the laundromat I used to go to when we lived in an apartment as newlyweds, and I saw a lady entering with a stroller and I thought about how I have never had to take my kids to the laundromat. What a blessing! And I can multi-task laundry and I love that!! Well, the other day, my washing machine broke. I didn't know exactly what was wrong with it, but it wouldn't complete a spin cycle and the water wouldn't drain. So I was without my washing machine for 1/2 a day until Greg came home and fixed it. It turned out this was the culprit:



This is what the other sock looked like, the one that didn't get stuck in the pump:


And Jiorji's socks looked so innocent! Greg pulled the sock out and fixed the pump and we didn't even have to buy any parts and I got to wash more clothes that very night. I realize that is not much of a story, but the point is, I truly do find joy in doing laundry. Yes, I am thankful for being able to do laundry. I like the process and I love the smell of fresh laundry out of the dryer. Love love love!

The Bike Wreck Story
Target fixation.
I think that's what Greg called it later when I calmed down. He was even kind enough not to laugh at what must have been an amusing sight when I essentially grabbed my brakes and skidded over sideways on our recent bike ride together, tipping over and scraping my knee and then getting up again and jumping up and down shaking my hands and saying alternately, "Eew! Ow! Eww!! Ow!! Ew Ew Ew!" And then I started laughing. A sense of humor goes a long way in helping me cope.

So apparently target fixation refers to looking at something you don't want to run into and focusing on it too much instead of on where you DO want to go that you end up where you don't want to be. In my case, this was in a BIG puddle of HUNDREDS of floating, bloated dead WORMS!! Yes, worms! The creepiest thing on earth!! Yuck! I have to say it again, YUCK!!! Anyway, when I regained my composure (Greg's only comment at the time was simply a surprised, "Wow, you've totally lost your composure!") I thought about the recent rain that caused said puddle and that made me happy. We had a few days straight of tons of rain, which was beautiful and very soothing. We don't often get downpours, just "scattered showers," so the rain seemed like a special treat. Also, I felt like a kid again and kind of cool that I wrecked my bike and had a battle scar.

Greg could relate with that happy-in-some-way-that-I-wrecked mentality. A month or two ago (or three? Time flies!) he was riding his (now sold) dirt bike with a neighbor kid and decided in a brief lapse in judgment to try some "sweet jumps" and ended up dislocating his shoulder. The neighbor kid said to him, "Dude, your arm looks like a gummy worm!" But Greg just laughed it off. He said it made him feel young again.

I have to clarify that it's not that we enjoy getting hurt, but perspective can make these things less of a painful experience than a "feeling alive" experience. Sometimes it is pain that leads to greater joy, in part because our capacity to feel is increased - both pain and joy. I found this out after our car accident and when Sam was born and in the NICU; at that point I experienced greater suffering than I ever had, but soon to follow was even greater joy and a richer, more fulfilling life.

It seems like I get the teeny tiny test versions of trials. It must be because I am a big wimp. I get a glimpse of what other people go through, just enough of a trial to gain empathy for those who have much more severe challenges. One thing I've learned though is that there is a lot more to life and human experience than I have yet come to understand, and though sometimes life is very painful, it is worth it, even on the really bad days. God has a plan for us. He loves us and it is a plan of happiness and deep abiding joy. He knows what he's doing when he lets us run into things we'd rather avoid. Worms and all.